Honungsbullen

 I’m Honeybun’s English friend and I’ve known her for a long time. She’s asked me to write something for her blog but I don’t know any Swedish so I hope you don’t mind if I write in English.

There are three topics I could write about – Honeybun herself, what I know about Sweden or telling you about England.

The third topic I can deal with straight away – England is the bottom bit of an island just above France and to the left of Germany. If you want to know any more about England read a book, there are plenty of them. I’m sure most of you don’t want to hear about it.

Honeybun is a subject I’d much rather write about. She’s the loveliest, funniest, kindest woman I’ve ever met and I love her dearly. Stunningly beautiful too. I’m saying this as a man and men are never wrong. Well we never admit we’re wrong, even to ourselves, so it’s the same thing as never being wrong. But trust me, she’s gorgeous. From the moment we came into contact 11 years ago – in a chatroom before the internet was fashionable - we’ve been close because she’s so easy to chat to. From the moment we actually met a year later I’ve been slightly in love with her and I still am. Any sane man would be. She knows I feel like this and she’s cool with it.

 I didn’t just fall in love with Honeybun though, I fell further in love with Sweden. I’m a Swedophile – someone that loves everything Swedish. This process started, as far as I can remember, when I discovered ABBA at the age of 4 and was strengthened at age 10 when I found out that there used to be Viking settlements near my home. It grew hugely at aged 13 and 14 when I used to sneak downstairs late at night and watch Bergman films on TV. The one that I remember making the biggest impression on me was ‘Summer with Monika’, a film about young love which had a powerful effect on 13 year old male hormones, due to its message of freedom having consequences and its brilliant cinematography but mainly because of its nude bathing scenes in a time when British TV was discouraged from showing nudity.

When most English think of Sweden they think of ABBA, the Vikings, the chefs from the Muppet Show with the silly voices, Volvo and nude communal saunas. They aren’t sure whether to believe in the nude saunas but think if they do happen they’re like Roman orgies. We are a sexually repressed people you see, so to us naked = sex (which leads to a lot of awkwardness with nurses in hospitals) Most English people have no regular access to a sauna and those that do – the wealthy - tend to use the ones in their gyms, which aren’t very hot and forbid nudity but don’t discourage fit people in swimwear. 

So we hear ‘nude’ and ‘sauna’ and think ‘porn film’.

/Mark